QuitchaBitchin

Most people believe America's favorite past time is baseball...others believe it is letting our children gnaw on some newly painted toys made from China. I'm here to prove those theories wrong by listing evidence based on facts...that I've most likely made up. America's favorite past time is BITCHING. Or as they say in England, America's favourite past time is BITCHING.

Of course, it is something we all do from time to time. You get home and bitch a little about work, about traffic, about the weather...hell, I'm bitching about "bitchers" right now. (how ironic.) This time of year seems to bring out more of "the bitching" because everyone is stressed around the holidays.

As of today...I've heard 14 people complain that they are playing Christmas music on the radio too early this year. Who the hell cares. Turn the channel. Everyone knows they are, so why do we have to verbalize it a thousand times a day? That is more annoying than hearing it on the radio, but a little less annoying than people that smell of patchouli.

Another thing people constantly bitch about is the weather. No matter what temperature it is, people love to bitch about the weather. The slightest imperfection gives people the chance to let all their "bitchings" out. It could be 75 degrees, not a cloud in the sky and a slight breeze will blow towards "the bitcher"...and all of a sudden they blurt out, "it would be perfect if it wasn't so breezy". On a similar note, people also like to bitch about how the weather man is always wrong. (Well he is!)

When it's cold, we want it hot. When it's hot, we want it cold. When it's snowing we want to kill ourselves and when it doesn't snow on Christmas, we want to bash our heads against the wall.
And, If I hear one more person so much as even mention the outrageous prices of gasoline, I am going to march outside into this crappy weather and blast Christmas music the day before Thanksgiving while giving a phony 5 day forecast.

Default Open Mouth

There are various types of people in this world. Some are old, some are young, some are hairy, some are cannibals and some are just gay. I am going to talk about a certain type of person that I would like to refer to as someone with Default Open Mouth Syndrome or DOM's.

Recently, my wife came into contact with a DOM and I just saw one walking down the street which inspired me to write about them. I feel as though two sightings of anything that bizarre should be documented. (so if another rappers mom dies while getting cosmetic surgery this week...I will write about that as well. too soon?)

Most people when returning to their default facial position have their mouths closed. DOM's are people who in their natural state have their mouth open. I am not sure what causes this, but it is perplexing. I have questions that need answers people!

1. Do they often get soar throats?

2. How many bugs do they swallow on an annual basis?

3. Are they as stupid as they look? (Because they look stupid)

4. How is the government involved?

5. If one DOM marries another DOM, do they have DOM babies?

6. What is the cause of this annoying abnormality?

7. If supposedly an average person swallows eight spiders a year in their sleep, then...well you know the rest of the question

8. Why did the movie Premonition look really cool and then totally suck?

If you don't know what I'm talking about and have never come across a DOM before, do me a favor. Look in the mirror, slightly open your mouth, after about ten seconds press your lips together slowly to swallow, but after swallowing, return back to the slightly opened mouth position (and try not to drool)

Hmm...now don't you look stupid. Don't be a Dumb DOM like this baby.