Rhythm Nation 2007

A lot of people consider the weekends a time to kick back, relax, have a few adult beverages and maybe go out for a night on the town. Last Friday night was no different. A bunch of my friends got together to go out for a few drinks and have a bunch of fun. Little did we know our night was going to have a bit of drama added to it.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

As we sat in the bar, drinking buckets of alcohol, it started off as a typical night out for us. We drank through really long straws, we pissed off the people sitting at the table behind us, we performed a social experiment which involved seeing the reactions of people towards an extremely drunk girl walking to the bathroom, only to have the same girl walk soberly back to her seat...and we stole a caldron. I mean, it really WAS a normal Friday night to start off.

Although we were having fun, the time came where we had to move on to a bar with a dance floor. We gathered the crew and we headed off to the 80's....uh..I mean...the bar with a dance floor. A girl...(we will call her Janet)...started the tab on her debit card and we headed out to the dance floor. It wasn't too busy in there, so we pretty much had the dance floor to ourselves. We brought out some chairs on the dance floor since no one was around and thought it would be fun to dance on them (it's always more fun to be higher off the ground while your dancing).

I had a great idea! Remember the video Rhythm Nation by Janet Jackson? Well, what if I got on top of the chair and did that cool move that she does by putting her foot on the back of the chair...and stepping down with the chair to the floor. (Best Idea EVER!). As I tried to position my foot to do this, my cousin-in-law (we'll call him Master Half) told me that it wasn't the best idea ever, but in fact, it was probably the WORST idea ever. I tried one more time later in the evening to do it, only to be caught again by Master Half and I had to abort the dance mission.

At "the bar with the dance floor" there is a separate lounge. I was in their with my pal (we'll call her Dunny) and her phone rang. She said that we had to leave. Angrily, I tried to finish my deep conversation with two nice strangers about Britney Spears. Dunny said that she would buy me a drink at the other bar...so of course...I stopped in mid sentence and booked it out of there.

Apparently, Janet, attempted to do the "Rhythm Nation" move (which she nailed by the way), but the momentum sent her crashing through the window which surrounded the dance floor. The window goes from the floor to the ceiling and surrounds 3/4's of the dancing room.

CRASSSSHHHH SMASSSHHHH SHAATTTTERRR!

Let's just take a moment to let that image sink in.
Ok. Has it sunk in? Then, let me continue.

As Janet lay on the payment with minimal injuries, she got up, brushed herself off and thought to herself, "GO!". She was out of there faster than a University of Florida student can yell "Don't Tase Me Bro".

Before she took off, she noticed someone in a car outside who had just witnessed her (from the outside) crash through a window. The girl sat their staring with her mouth hanging open, so Janet decided to take off in the other direction.

One of our friends (we'll call her Ivy), found Janet and brought her back to the bar. She tied her hair back, put on a black jacket and as far as anyone knew...her new name was Jane. We all had a few more drinks...paid the tab...and left.

It was time to go and our lives will never be the same.

Best Quote of the Night: "Please tell me that she Janet Jackson'ed her way through that window!" - Master Half