How to Be the Opposite of an Environmentalist While Smoking Pot Like a Dirty Hippy

PREFACE: In previous blogs I've mentioned my nemesis, Tonka. Well, he likes to write about helping the environment once in awhile and he pretends NOT to be a hippy. But, let's face it...he hugs trees, marches to Washington DC (just by himself...not with an activist group or anything) and washes dishes by hand. He also reads books with one word titles just for the dramatic effect, but that isn't because he is an environmentalist. This entry is on the contrary to all of his "green" blogs.

If you would like to be the opposite of an environmentalist while smoking pot like a dirty hippy, the first thing you need to do is buy disposable EVERYTHING. I would start off with the simple stuff...disposable cups, disposable plates, disposable DVD's (they usually have a picture of Ben Affleck or Brendon Frasier on the front), disposable utensils and Mcauley Culkin. Disposable products save you a lot of time and let's face it, time is money. After you buy all of this...spark up a joint.

I would also consider taking longer showers. Wasting water is a myth. The world is mostly water...right? So what is all this crap they feed you about saving water. We have more than enough water. That's like telling someone to "save Paris Hilton headlines". You've worked hard all day at work....you pay the water bill. Don't you think you deserve a half hour in the shower after every meal? You do! You aren't a dirty hippy, you don't want to smell like one. You just want to smoke like one. I suggest after every shower...you fire up some ghanja.

The most important way to avoid being an environmentalist is to drive everywhere. Turn off the porn and start your car up. Make sure to let it run for awhile with the AC on because you don't want to be all sweaty for the first 3 minutes of your ride. Drive to the store, drive to the 7/11, drive to the neighbors house and leave the car running while you go in and smoke a joint with him/her. It's summertime...jam that nozzle into your gas tank and pump. Put the top down and cruise to your vacation destination. You only live once...you owe it to yourself. And, you also owe it to yourself to get high. Two words: Mary Jane.

Other ways to be the opposite of an environmentalist while smoking pot like a dirty hippy:

1. Leave lights on all night...it will appear that you are awake to burglers. Anyway, you don't want anyone stealing your "plants"

2. In the summertime, leave your AC on all day. You don't want to come home to a hot house. And it's a pain to try and figure out how to work the timer thing.

3. Don't overload the dishwasher or washing machine...do as many loads as you want. More room...cleaner items.

4. Smoke pot out of disposable bongs.

5. Most importantly, do not read blogs written by Tonka. It will only ruin your high.

I hope I've helped you on your quest to becomming a non-environmentalist druggy. This may have not been one of my funnier blogs, but you should go back and read it after smoking a dube...it's hillarious.