A Journey To Easthampton

As I think back on all of the time that I spent in Easthampton, I never thought until now how SHITTY of a place it is. Ok, that is a lie, I always new it was a crappy little town. I mean, there are definately more disgusting places like Sudan, New Jersey and Rosie O'Donnells sports bra, but add WEIRD to discusting and you inevitably come up with the small town of Easthampton.

I was driving there one night and was a few miles from getting off the highway. All of a sudden I saw a couch in the middle of the lane that I was in. The couch was a cream color and it was facing me. I quickly put on my blinker and moved into the middle lane to avoid hitting this couch that I saw at the last second. I decided that I didn't want anyone to get hurt so I called Easthampton's Finest. I explained the situation to whoever answered and they acted like I was crazy for calling them. They were acting like I was wasting their time or something. What if it was a coffee table? Would that make it ok to bother them?

The apartment that my girlfriend lived in was placed directly in the middle of a bar and a liquor store. So the neighborhood and streets were FILLED with winners. I was waiting for her to get home one day (it was around noon) and I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and it was some guy I had never met. He asked if he could borrow $1.67. For some reason, I said "sure" and gave him two bucks. I didn't ask what it was for and didn't really care. I was just glad he didn't pull out a knife and ask me to give him all of my money. The joke would have been on him because the two dollars WAS all I had. HA HA.

An hour later, I get another knock at the door. SAME GUY. Yep, you guessed it...asking for another $1.67. (reminds me of the South Park episode with Chef's parents...."TREE FITTY" lol). I told him that I didn't have anymore money. Sue....uh...I mean, my girlfriend informed me later that it was the exact price for a cheap 40oz at the liquor store. The funny thing is, this guys was one of the SANER guys that would stop by her apartment.

Besides the strippers, drug dealers and weirdos that she called neighbors, the service at anyone of the restaurants, stores, video rental places etc etc...was absolutely horrible. Everyone seemed to treat everyone like shit...except for the crazies. The crazies were very grateful to be friends with you as long as you didn't make loud noises or mention the name Mel Gibson.

If you gave me a choice to vacation at Easthampton or Rosie O'Donnells sports bra...I'd choose the sofa that was left on the highway.